... Picture a woman with ten coins who loses one. Won't she light a lamp and search the house, looking in every nook and cranny until she finds it? And when she finds it, she'll call friends and neighbors: "Rejoice with me! I found my lost coin!" Count on it - that's the kind of joyfulness God's celestial messengers throw every time one who has lost their soul returns to it.
-A Jesus Saying, Gospel of Luke 15.8-10
She found the coin, finally... she searched where it had been lost - not where it had not been lost
neighbors celebrated with her - such celebration is for sharing
she was not ashamed that she had lost it did not want to hide it had been found - no one else could find it for her not even a god
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coins do not find themselves - somehow there must be Grace
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no shame is there in the losing no shame in needing to find - what joy when found!
so much is lost - pieces fall off us little by little, silently, like paint off an old, weather-beaten wall or leaves falling off tree limbs in fall... lost in order to be found - being lost is not a deficiency it is an opportunity
some persons never get lost so they remain lost
some persons get lost and, sadly, remain lost
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she found for she searched - why
something she knew was missing, was missed - that something is with everyone
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often what is missed is missed for being so subtle - lamentable those who have silenced the voice of angst so as not to hear it again - if one is totally deaf it does not matter if the 'something' whispers or shouts
not even god can raise the dead who are too dead to know they are dead or who are too afraid to come alive so acclimated they are to a tomb-life
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Jesus - 'what shall one give in exchange for their soul'
seeking begins when we feel deeply the missing of something familiar, feeling the lostness
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finding, we find ourselves not the self of the 'they' the social machine whatever the form it takes - 'they' can get you lost keep you lost... family religion economy government ... - soul thieves are everywhere in plain sight - but the Light is too!
but how can one see with closed eyes - blameless is the dark
'they' has no soul, no heart, no love... a computer, artificial intelligence, the stock market financial investments, cocaine sniffing, drunken drinking... cannot love you
spirituality becomes, often, a 'they' - a collective group of unquestioning, conformist do, think, feel... elitist enlightenment club salvation industry transcendence marketplace nonduality bazaar sexual predator cult
'they' cannot love you
we find ourselves the unscripted, unadorned self innocent, lovable... the treasure we forgot, seduced by the lures of empty promises mass hallucination congregated slumber contrived companionship the glitter of gild and gold - the illusion that stuff is what matters most - the inebriety of materiality
attached to things, appearance, approval... we lost the non-things got lost in the fog of forgetfulness
yet the coin treasured now was never lost we were lost to it
'something' we cannot name or explain knew the lie, a lie... it haunted us it hunted us
while 'they' said... you are...
not enough not sacred not free to be yourself not equal to those of another race, color, gender, religion... not able to be the gender nature assigned you not able to fall in love with whom you fell in love with not worthy of the utmost respect without doing anything to deserve it
you were told of a god who said 'no' to the 'yes-s' dancing inside you pleading for a 'yes' in reply... a god whom you were separate from whom you must please... or else
you were told to deny yourself for others meant to suppress you being you
you were told to live means to survive not thrive
you were told surrender is weakness not strength
you were told suffering was more important than not-suffering
you were told heaven is at another place and time - just wait - not here
you were told you were to agree rather than seek truth... and 'they' would take care of you
you were told 'hush! don't make a fuss'
but ignorance's dense cloud parted from below and above when you said 'yes' to that 'something' - east and west became broad daylight
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the treasure is you not just you as others said you are you
you do not fit in a narrative you do not belong to 'they' 'they' could never take your wings away so fly... the whole sky is yours, today... not just to get somewhere or get something done - to enjoy! to have some fun!
it was your heart all along nudging disturbing crying pestering praying blocking the way of errant ways sometimes shouting, sometimes whispering often frustrating... in all declaring - "I love you, and I miss you..."
sometimes, you felt it when alone in silence in the dark night sometimes, when you felt loved by someone sometimes, listening to a song or reading a poem you could feel 'something' touching your heart...
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see you have been so close too close to find... yet, somehow, by Grace you did
here to love, you now know, and love you are not just something you do
your body, mind, spirit - all you can hold in hands and heart, and more - sacred, lovable, beautiful through and through
this you you returned to had never left you
the door remained open what a joy! to find the way back home
